Friday 6 July 2012

MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE IB BED

1. ADMITTING IS THE HARDEST PART - You, yes, you make mistakes in bed... & contrary to what you may think you are vagina is not so magically incredible that they don't notice. Oh, they may not SAY anything, but they noticed. The sexual revolution was FIFTY years ago, & the secret is out, WOMEN ENJOY SEX TOO \. so cease acting like it is a favor you are doing for us.


2. TAKE IT ALL OFF - Listen, if we are having sex with you, they like your body... ALL of it, so leaving your shirt on because you think your breasts are little is dull, & you are not fooling us... it is not as though they think, "Well, I cannot see that part of her so it must be FANTASTIC!" Get bare!

3. LINGERIE IS NOT FOR US - Asking us what kind of underclothing we'd like to see you in is like asking a shark what kind of seasoning he'd like on his next kill... The fancy underclothing you buy is for you to feel sexy, or for your girlfriends to tell you you look sexy in. things you ought to know about us - (one) we are not taking a look at THE LINGERIE in the Vicky's Secret catalog, & (two) if they think you are hot, they will HONESTLY think so NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE WEARING ( if it is not much).

4. MAKE SOME NOISE - They understand you being shy when they first meet you. They understand you being shy when you meet our friends for the first time. Hell, they even understand you being shy when we are out in public. But, , when it is nakey-nakey time, a tiny feedback is lovely. I mean, you don't must get in to the full on disagreeable talk (but it is ok in the event you do) but a tiny moaning, or geez, even a tiny heavy breathing is lovely encouragement. If all they wanted was peace & calm, they would already be SLEEPING.

5. NIPPLES ARE THERE FOR SHOW ONLY - All right, they understand the way you can be confused about nipples... Yours are stunning, unique & fun. But understand, ours are basically decorations. No matter WHAT you have read in magazines, or heard from your friends. It does literally NOTHING for us for you to touch, lick, caress, etc. them... & if I EVER find the individual that investing you all in the idea that BITING them is ok, I will drag them out in to the street & kill them with a shovel.


6. HAIR PULLING - Another one-way street. Listen, they get that there's sure "positions" & situations where you ladies ( with the long hair) like this - & most of us are happy to oblige... but understand, our hair is MUCH closer to the roots, & it HURTS when you do it to us... additionally, while they like it when you take charge from time to time, they DO NOT LIKE being on the receiving finish of the whole domination-submission thing. And, if they ever do go bald, we'll likely blame it on you.


7. DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL - Listen, they know it is not chilled to ask you if you have climaxed. They don't like asking. It's all the charm of tripping while carrying dinner to the table, & similar appeal. But understand - there is NO FOOLPROOF WAY TO TELL... & while they love you being a tiny mysterious & YES that is part of your appeal, would it hurt you to let us know? Are not you glad that we are concerned? In the event you don't feel like you ought to must tell us, then perhaps they feel like they should not must induce your "super-secret mystery orgasm".

8. THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO SCREW UP FELLATIO - Teeth. said.

9. THAT BEING SAID... - When they were 18, they BELIEVED there was no such thing as a bad blow job. Mostly because they were so happy to be getting, and it barely took a dirty film as well as a stiff breeze to get us off, so they didn't care. But things modify, and yes you can be bad at it. If we are not barely holding on to keep from "finishing"... you are not doing a lovely job, period. We are not like you, they don't need a warm up and some secret method that is one-of-a-kind to each of us - ask the of your friends who you KNOW knows what she is doing... or of your "fabulous" gay man friends... they know, it is not THAT BIG of a secret, and it is not rocket science.
10. THE ONLY THING I'LL SHAVE FOR YOU - is my face. And yes, I need you to shave yours. Yes, I do know it is a double standard, but I also pay for dinner and over all the heavy shite from your automobile. Yours is built for shaving - it is flat. Ever tried shaving the outside of coconuts in a Safeway bag? It is a bad plan, and you are damn definite going to cut that bag - no thanks. They trim, you shave. It is kind of like: they sweat, you glisten. In case you need to see hairless male genitals, your options are: rent a porno, date a porn star, or a 13-year elderly... the we'll hang around for is the first.

11. PLINK, OW! - There is nothing, repeat NOTHING cute about plucking the or random hairs that may occur on our backs or shoulders, ESPECIALLY after sex. Is it not that they only have or? Is it much to ask that you NOTIFY us, and let us handle the removal? . Nothing is more definite to guarantee you WON'T be getting a "Round 2".

12. IF YOU WANT TO YANK ON A JOYSTICK - Buy an elderly Atari, and leave us ALONE. That is about as much fun for for us as "fisting" is for you. It is sensitive, that is why it HURTS SO MUCH to get kicked there. If they wish it rough - rest assured, we'll say something. In case you sense a glance of pain on our faces - no matter WHAT they say, go together with your feeling - it is hurting, so STOP!

13. WE HAVE ONE EROGENOUS ZONE - It is not: our backs, legs, arms, chest, neck, ears, and it is most definitely not anywhere near the ol' poop chute. Need to know what we are thinking when you are touching those areas on us? "Oh, I hope they gets to my dick soon!" Ok?

14. COSMO IS WRONG - The "100 Sexy Surprises to Drive Your Man Wild" article has at least 83 things that will make us NEVER WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU AGAIN. Here's a lovely litmus check: In case you think it is something that we'll think is odd, crazy or deviant, DON'T DO IT. I am not definite where they find the men they interview for these articles - perhaps in the offices of a journal written for ladies - do you think these are the men that ought to be advising your sex life? Need some advice from a journal? Read PENTHOUSE LETTERS - YES, they know they are contrived - but at least they won't get you kicked out of bed.


15. TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX WHILE IN MY BED - Is as off-limits for you as it is for us. Yes, they know you are speaking about his icy job, speaking to him about his latest holiday to France, or some restaurant they owns, but unless you require us to mention how narrow OUR ex was, or how fantastic her breasts were, steer clear. This is meant to be OUR moment.

16. DRAPING YOUR LEG OVER US AFTERWARDS - and laying your head on our chest is perhaps of the greatest feelings you can give us. Laying COMPLETELY ON TOP OF US AFTERWARDS is not. It doesn't matter HOW small you are, it is not cozy - and NO it doesn't mean you are fat. It makes it hard to breathe - they would like to relax, . GET OFF!

17. YOUR HAIR ITCHES - They love that it smells like flowers, they love that it is soft and and they love to have it all over the place \. DURING sex... Afterwards, it itches, so do that flip and tuck thing that you do - and keep it away from us.

18. STAY IN THE MOOD - There's VERY few ways to not at least cause SOME kind of break in the action when it is time to put in the prophylactic, and it usually was VERY, VERY hot right before they do. They are being responsible and respectful, so PLEASE don't take the chance to coax yourself out of the mood - not even SLIGHTLY. There is nothing worse than FEELING BAD for putting a condom on - they are not the most comfortable thing - and YES it feels different than without. So do your best to be as encouraging when we are finally "dressed for battle."

19. HEAD IS A QUID-PRO-QUO SITUATION - and YES, that goes for both. You require head? You give head. Fair . But beyond that - know that no matter HOW MUCH they may love you, require you, etc. In the event you have ANY grooming issues, AT ALL, we are not goin' down there. And they know you feel the same way so it is ONLY FAIR. It is a giant dedication for us, and a hard mission to take on, with a HIGH failure probability - if it looks like a attractive flower, and smells like , it makes the whole thing a LOT better for us... and if it looks like a forest and smells like, ? We'll tell EVERYONE

20-. WE FALL ASLEEP AFTERWARDS, GET OVER IT! - All right, listen: there is absolutely no greater way for us to be sent off to dreamland than this - and it is a COMPLETELY NATURAL MALE RESPONSE to doze off after sex. Round two may happen, after they have a small ten minute nap... Every moment you try and keep us awake? They like you less. In the event you have something to say, make it profound and keep it brief. The nice stuff can be said in a few seconds. The story about "that bitch at work" cannot. Anything over a few sentences, we are not listening to.

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